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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

ISLAND OF MISFIT HOUSES

Historical buildings and spaces are the unique features of a town. They distinguish one town from another and give people pride in their community. All too often important buildings from the past get demolished for new development. However, there is legislation in place to help these struggling buildings, it's called the Heritage Act. Problem is that, it only protects buildings that are DESIGNATED HERITAGE.

What do you do with buildings that aren't quite important enough?

"How would you like to be a Spotted Elephant?"
"Or a Choo Choo with square wheels on your caboose?"
"Or a... HAND GUN?"


MARKHAM HERITAGE ESTATES

When you get to a certain age where you no longer serve a purpose in society but are still too healthy to die, you get shoved in a nursing home. Markham Heritage Estates subdivision is no different.

Where houses go to die!
When new subdivisions is getting built, the developers flatten the land, destroying everything that's on the property which can include historic buildings. Sometimes these buildings aren't quite important enough to be designated as heritage, which would protect them from being destroyed. So, Markham has come up with a way of protecting these historically misfit buildings.

Perfectly rehabilitated house
 Markham Heritage Estates is where historical buildings get relocated if there is no other possible means to protect them. The Town of Markham actually owns all of the 42 lots within the subdivision. They sell the lots below market value to offset the cost, to the owner, of relocating and restoring the buildings. This has so far been incentive enough to have many heritage houses brought here. Markham also requires that landscaping on the property must be in keeping with the time period of the house. This is for sure an innovative strategy in heritage protection.

16th Avenue and Heritage Corners Lane, Markham
 Many people oppose the idea of the Heritage Estates, stating that it gives an easy way out for protecting heritage. It would be far more beneficial to fight hard to keep the building in its original location which is the majority of it's historic value. Large scale heritage relocation can make it easier for developers to build continuous sprawl, therefore giving them more power over the municipality.

The idea of the Markham Heritage Estates is a great idea on paper and it has saved many buildings so far but some how in real life it's just plain creepy and sad, again a lot like nursing homes.


View Larger Map
Googal Streetview your way to the entrance and you can see new misfits being fixed up

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ARCHIVE DIP II

For all of those people who always wondered what a baby Chipmunk looks like. It's wrinkly and gross!

Lost it's mom in an unfortunate Pellet Gun accident!
Trust me, you do not want to see pictures of it's face.

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Monday, August 30, 2010

LET THE ARCADE BURN

The Arcade Fire just released a new music video, for their song We Used To Wait, that's more of a MULTIMEDIA GOOGAL-GANZA!

http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/
Go to the link above, type in the address of your childhood home and then click play (only works in GOOGAL CHROME).

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Friday, August 27, 2010

THE RETURN OF POCOCK

THIS GUY IS RIDICULOUS! He should be running for COUNCIL OF UNIVERSE!

I'm going to stop reading his blog now because it makes my life feel insignificant.

Another of my cedar strip contraptions rests at the side of
a New Brunswick highway. In 2007 I built this velomobile and cycled
it from Victoria, B.C. to St. John's Nfld., talking to kids about
Global Warming along the way.
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Thursday, August 26, 2010

THEIR SKIN IS MADE OUT OF SKIN, THEIR BONES ARE MADE OUT OF BONES

Recently in Bangkok, a 31 year old Thai woman was caught, at the airport, with a tranquilized 2 month old tiger in her over sized bag, en route to Iran.

TO MARRIAGE THIS FACE, CLICK HERE
Apparently, exotic animal traffickers can't even smuggle REAL TIGERS in bags full of TOY TIGERS anymore. The bones of the real tiger tend to show up on the x-ray machine while the no-bones of the toy tigers do not.

TOY TIGER?
My suggestion to all future animal traffickers is to smuggle TIGGERS in bags full of RUBBA AND SPRINGS! That fools those x-rays every time.

Be on the look out for a 31 year old Thai woman named Christopher Robin!

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

TEACH ME CARTOONS

This is for everyone whose parents told them that Cartoons were a waste of time. Thanks to Cartoons I not only know all the countries of the world but also how to hunt, how to talk to animals and for the most part how to solve ghost mysteries.



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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

FULLER... FULLER...

Richard Fuller was a man.

A man with a vision.
A man who didn't like being called Richard, so decided his middle name was better, Buckminster.
A man whose names I will combine to create better names.
A man obsessed with this...

More precisely he was obsessed with a sphere
Dickminster was the father of Geodesic Domes. You know the houses that Hippies live in. The Epcot Centre at Disney World. That Bio-dome in Polly Shore's best film to date, Bio-dome. Yeah, that seems like a big enough legacy but how do you top being a futurist architect? Oh... how about... being a complete NUT JOB!

Buckmonster Fuller
Bucky was a lot like most odd ball architects who think they are going to change the world with their philosophical ideas on life. He was a prick. Not sure why these pricks think they can tell the world how to live when they themselves live in a completely different world.

Dickmuncher's life is a series of blunders. He was expelled from Harvard twice because he was a non-conforming misfit or as I like to call it, an ignorant prick. By age 32 he was a bankrupt homeless alcoholic prick. Somewhere along his downward spiraling life, someone decided to let this prick's ego develop by giving him a damn job. One day, he decided that he was going to embark on a project that would benefit all of humanity. What... a... prick! He eventually became a college professor which gave him the position he needed to release his geodesic seed upon the world and a little bit of his narcissistic banter.

Even this stamp honouring him some how makes fun of him!
Dick Fuller like most idealist pricks had to feel more important than the rest of the world. He did this by constantly reminding himself of how insightful he was by puking bull shit from his mouth. 

DB loved the word, DYMAXION. He used it to explain everything, both his inventions and even other people's inventions. Some even doubt the Geodesic Dome being his invention. He would take anything and turn it into his own idea by simply putting the word DYMAXION before it (DYMAXION PRICK). Even the word DYMAXION isn't his, it came from some advertising dude who combined the words, DYnamic MAXimum tensION.  He liked it and took it. Eventually adding it to, DYMAXION HOUSE, DYMAXION CAR, DYMAXION WORLD MAP and many other inventions.

WHAT AM I?
Full Dick experimented with polyphasic sleep, or DYMAXION SLEEP. He would only sleep 2 hours a day. However, he quit doing this because it conflicted with his business associate's normal sleeping habits. During his waking hours he would chronicle every aspect of his life. He did this for nearly 60 years and called these notes his DYMAXION CHRONOFILE.

No doubt, that within Minster's notes were his own invented words like, intertransformitive. He had an affection with putting the prefix OMNI in front of anything (OMNI-PRICK). Combine this with his tendency to write in long run on sentences, which help him explain himself better, and his notes are rendered omni-readable.

Dick Filler would use the word Universe, as is, without 'the' or 'a' in front. He did this because Universe was too important, not the true meaning of the word but his own meaning, which is too messed up to explain here. Worldwide assumed that the world was flat and not spherical, he preferred to use the word World-around instead. On top of all of this he despised  the words 'up' and 'down' because on a sphere you would really be talking about in or out. Is your bathroom outstairs or instairs?

"Damn it! Should have known the world was more tall than wide"

Even though Buckminster didn't deserve any of the hype, royalties or respect that he received, it is difficult to not thank him for attempting to save us from the confides of our functional square houses. Without the help of Richard Buckminster Fuller we would all be DOMELESS and OUT SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A DYMAXION OMNI-PADDLE.

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Sunday, August 22, 2010

LES BE FRIENDS

While Bear Grylls, MAN VS WILD, is outside playing in the sand box, Les Stroud, SURVIVOR MAN, was out in the real world making a new survival show.

Beyond Survival airs August 27th and looks like an entertaining concept by the leading survivalist. Stroud will travel to the remaining indiginous tribes of the world and live with them for a week while learning how they have survived for thousands of years.

Can't wait to see what Bear retaliates with, I'm hoping they send his British ass to Mars!


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Friday, August 20, 2010

IT'S SO FLUFFY!

I WANT TO BE THIS EXCITED FOR EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY FLUFF!


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I CAN'T OWN NICE THINGS

Everytime I get a nice thing I somehow turn it into a piece of crap thing. So, when I go to use my nice things... I can't.

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I CAN NOT OWN PENS

Everytime I get a pen in my hand I immediatly rip the flangy off. Now, when ever I want to hook it to my pocket... I can't.

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I CAN NOT OWN PAPERCLIPS

Every paper clip I touch turns into a twisted piece of metal. I don't even know I'm doing it. Then, when I need them... there are none.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

CITY BEAUTIFUL?

Welcome to Camden, New Jersey the MOST BEAUTIFUL city in the United States of America.


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map

How does a city with so much promise and history, like being first in the world to show a Drive-In movie, evolve to become the Most Beautiful City in the USA?

Let these stats speak for themselves...

Population: 79,940
Voted Most Dangerous City: 2004, 2005 and 2009 (top ten finisher since 1998)
Violent Crimes: 2,333/100,000 citizens (USA average 433/100,000 citizens)
Population Below Poverty Line: 44%
Median Income: $18,007 (USA's poorest city with over 65,000 residents)
Unemployment Rate: 17% (twice that of  the State of New Jersey)
Corrupt Jailed Mayors: 3

Don't take my word for it. Go ahead and Google Street View anywhere in Camden and you find amazing streetscapes. The sidewalks go on forever. The plants are lush and green. The buildings are flawless and inviting. Best of all, the city of Camden has gotten the attention it deserves and is now recognized by both state and federal agencies, which means that this community will be magnificent for years to come.


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map


View Camden, New Jersey in a larger map

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

MY ROOMMATE...

My roommate is a great guy, he can and will help you with anything and is a genius with machines. But he is the biggest country boy I have ever met. I'm not trying to be offensive with this, it's more about my ignorance than his.

THE GROCERY STORE

ROOMATE: What the hell is that?


ME: It's a self checkout machine, man! You never seen one before?

ROOMMATE: Nope!

ME: Oh they're great! A lot easier than dealing with cashiers. Let me show you how to use them! First you scan the item. Then make sure to put it in the bag. Now, when the screen flashes like that you... ...wait for a cashier to come help.

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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

INFORMER!

SHARK EGG!

Port Jackson Shark Egg
Cat Shark Egg
David Attenborough has told me that these Shark Eggs like to be eaten by baboons when the tide is low. I have witnessed this activity while watching BBC Life (Attey Edition). Apparently, they are filled with slimy neon pink goop.
watch 1:30 in



WIKIPEDIA has told me that they are cork screwed into crevasses, they have strong leathery shells and that sometimes they wash up on shore where they are then called MERMAID PURSES!

Walt Disney has taught me that this is a Mermaid Purse...

How much did that purse cost?
Oh... about 2 clams!
HAHAHA!



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Monday, August 16, 2010

PICKLE POUCH

CASHIER: A Diet Coke, is that everything sir?

ME: NO... and ONE PICKLE IN A POUCH, please! Make it so!

CASHIER: TEHE! (I'd like to pouch his pickle, if you know what I mean)

From this day forth, I will only eat...
POUCH'D FOODS!

CONTENTS: ONE PICKLE
Bigger than I could have imagined!
It's too big! OR IS IT?!
awwww... just right
Give it to Ele! She eats anything!


NEXT UP...

Wash down with a glass of water, bake in Crap Factory for 2 hours
VOILA
Warm Brownies perfectly portioned
Don't forget to lick the BOWEL, HAHAHA!

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Friday, August 13, 2010

WANG DANG'D!

QUICK! Whats the greatest font in the world? Answer... WING DINGS!

What's better than WING DINGS? Answer...

ESRI CRIME SCENE ANALYSIS
(ArcGIS exclusive)

This font is used in making maps for Crime Analysts. Each one of these symbolizes some sort of CRIME ACTIVITY!



Totally understand why Crime Analysts need a white fist and a black fist!

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

BILL POCOCK, MAN FOR COUNCIL or ECCENTRIC DREAMER?

If you have ever wondered what it was like to run for council of a township, then read some kind of a book about it.

If you have ever wondered what it was like to run for council of a township, as a Philosophy Major, turn Marshall Arts Master, turn Carpenter, turn Hollywood Screenwriter, turn Business Man, turn Sustainable Lumber Jack with a love for chronicling all aspects of their life through photos and blogs, then read Bill Pocock's blog, One Seguin

Bill Pocock's One Seguin Blog
One Seguin is a diary of Mr. Pocock as he runs for Seguin Township's, Ward 1 Councilor. It starts with him simply pondering the thought of running and follows him through every aspect including creating his signs, out of sustainably cut poplar trees of course.

Signs chopped, milled and placed with his own hands
For some reason I can't stop reading his blog. Not sure if it is for good reasons or bad. I do agree with a lot of what he says when it comes to democracy and I also relate with a lot of his actions. However, I also read because he is somewhat of an entertaining ecentric and for some reason the world and myself are attracted to one off odd balls.

Bill catches my attention in kind of a, Christopher McCandless from Into the Wild, sort of way. One man, living his life his way, going against the societal norms. Hell, they made a movie about that guy. On the flip side most people thought Christopher McCandless was some what of a loop job for going it alone in the Alaskan wilderness, where he DIED!

One of the last photos ever of Christopher McCandless
Pocock seems no different. He is obviously an educated man with a certain philosophy on life. A philosophy that a lot of people will call foolish but secretly crave. Through out his blog Bill chronicles this rugged lifestyle. From, foraging for wild mushrooms, even posting pictures of sauteing them over a camp fire. To, displaying pictures of his bloody wounds from Lumber Jacking too hard.

mmmmm... possibly poisonous mushrooms
Yes, don't forget, he is running for Council. His platform is about the people. He wants to hear every single concern from his constituents and post them on his blog. The idea is so that he can get a greater consensus of what the true issues of the people are. It is also interesting to follow him as he goes through the steps of understanding how to become an actual Councilor. This is where I learn to respect his ideas and use of technology. But it falls short because he seems to be too public with his blog.

I AM PO COCK!
Pocock writes almost too much information and with a slight dry humour that feels off putting. I've always thought to myself  that a candidate who talks and acts like a real person is who I should vote for. But, the more I read about him the less professional he feels to me. I like my professionals to act professional. I like important people acting like they are more important than me. Even though I hate them. There is a certain security, not necessarily trust, with strong powerful figures. Maybe there is a happy balance for Pocock.

So,

BILL POCOCK, MAN FOR COUNCIL or ECCENTRIC DREAMER?

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G-EGO-CACHING!

EXTRA EXTRA!

FRONTPAGE


B5? B5? Come on people its B3!
YOU'RE RUINING ME!


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Monday, August 9, 2010

SOMEONE CALL THE...

Why have I gone my whole life up to this point without affection for THE POLICE!

I understand that my interest in this band is lame at best, but it is even further lamed by my old damn age. I grew up knowing of Sting and comparing him to other aging Brits like "Hot" Rod Stewart. I even listened to The Police on the RADI-ADI-O! Was not until I CHOSE to listen to them that I respected how ridiculous they actually are as musicians.
Sting: HEY... lets sing a song about walking on the moon. Any ideas? 

Forgettable Band Member: You can take GIANT STEPS on the moon!

Other Forgettable Band Member: Yeah yeah, but what if you BROKE YOUR LEG. OHHH SNAP, that would suck so hard!

Sting: Gentlemen, we have a new hit song! Now... PASS THE COURVOISIER!
Was not until I CHOSE to watch their music videos that I respected how ridiculous they actually are as human beings.


SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE THIS GUY SOME DRUMS!

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Thursday, August 5, 2010

PIRATES OF THE TRAILER PARK

For 1 day only, the folks of Neverland put aside their differences for a great cause...

BOATING AND DRINKING

I BELIEVE!

FULL STEAM AHEAD, SMEE!

PETER PAN, GET THEM STRAWS

Cap'n Hook chilling with the Croc


Rufio is in love... with a CLOCK?

SWAB THE DECK SMEE II

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FOR MY ENJOYMENT

This is how I go fishing!

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MOUNTAIN RAPIDOS

MOUNTAIN RAPIDS SHOW ME YOUR SECRETS

WHITE WATER RIVER TUBIN!

Heather's gonna flip!


BIG MAN, little tube!

little cliff...

THAT'S MY GIRL! So proud!

MONSTER CLIFF!!!

How do you get Rachelle to jump off a cliff?
Tell her it will make a sick photo!

Candice has big nose plugging balls!

Floating down stream SMILIN!

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