MULLATO SOCKS

I hate socks. I can't ever decide whether to wear white or black ones. They both have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Black socks are pretty much stain resistant however the sock fluff is unbearable.
White socks are low on noticeable fluff but magnets for dirt and stains.
I propose a new invention that will forever solve this conundrum. I propose to you MULATTO SOCKS (copyright, registered trademark, etc etc).
Mulatto Socks take the best parts of white and black socks and combines them into one universal mixed sock. Black on the outside with a white liner on the inside. No stains and no noticeable fluff.
YOU... ARE... WELCOME!

*UPDATE*
Mullato Socks are now simply called MullaToes!

:.

PIZZLE MA NIZZLE

My poor cute awesome cute cute puppy Ele just got fixed, or "SPAYED" (thanks Bob Barker). It's only been a couple days since her surgery and she hasn't really been her normal trick jumping self. She wouldn't eat, drink, or even "GOPEE" (that's one word).

It's tough watching your little helpless dog go through something like this. So I, like most other dog owners, tried to give her anything that would make her happy. I bought her the wet food, got her new toys, even tried playing the harmonica but nothing really brought her out of her slump. So, recently I came across an awesome treat while I was walking through the grocery store (Bulk Barn). It's called a Pizzle and it looks like this...

Looks like dogs would love it, right?

There were 8 inch and 5 1/2 inch Pizzles. Since my dog is so tiny, I decided to purchase the five and a half incher. I walked back to the car with Pizzle in hand and saw a sad little black lump in the passenger seat. So I whipped out the Pizzle which catches her attention immediately. She tried to grab for it but I've taught her to be gentle. So I gave her the "SHSHHH" and she gently took the Pizzle. She goes crazy for it! I've never seen Ele eat anything that fast. It was really exciting to see her so energized and acting like her real self. ELE LOVES THE PIZZLE!

So I was wondering, what the heck was this wonder treat made out of? Where did it come from? Why have I gone so long as a dog owner not knowing about Pizzles? Well, a quick Wikipedia search settled all of those questions for me.

PIZZLE
Pizzle is an old English word for penis, derived from Low German pesel or Flemish Dutch pezel, diminutive of pees 'sinew'. ^[1] The word is used today to signify the penis of a non-human animal,^[2]

MY DOG WOLFED DOWN PENIS! I don't even know what to say. I'm kind of shocked that there is a whole market out there for drying penis', sorting them by size, boxing them, shipping them, stocking the shelves with them and selling them. It's all kind of ridiculous, but as I read further through Wikipedia I start to understand why Pizzles exist in the first place.

"Pizzles for human consumption are prepared either by freezing or by drying. Scottish deer pizzles are thought to boost stamina and were used by Chinese athletes at the 2008 Summer Olympics.^[2][4] Pizzles can be served in soup, and if they have been dried they can be turned into a paste. Pizzles may also be mixed with alcoholic beverages or simply thawed (if frozen) and eaten."

OF COURSE! People have been feeding dicks to each other for centuries, that's a fact. But damned if I'm ever going to feed a Pizzle to a dog ever again, that's just disgusting. Oh man, I really think I should go back and edit what I wrote before Wikipedia tainted this post.

:.

JOHN CU-SUCKS

I have this hate hate relationship with John Cusack. I mean I don't like to hate people but for some reason I hate him, although not as much as Phil Collins. Until the other day, I have never seen a full John Cusack movie EVER! This is my history of John Cusack through the ages.

I started to watch Pushing Tin and was liking it until I realized that its about guys not flying airplanes, but telling pilots where and when to land.

PLANE! LAND ON THIS MAN'S CAREER!

Watched Sixteen Candles, quite possibly John Cusack's best and most tolerable work because he is a true to life loser in it. Still have never watched the full movie, the Long Duck Dong joke faded for me.

When will this kid hit puberty? (Answer: Weird Science)

Stand By Me was an excellent movie! One of my favorite films as a kid. Then I got older and liked it more because the chubby kid was Jerry O'Connell. Every kid wanted to run across a train bridge after watching this movie. John Cusack was in this? Forgettable!

Why couldn't John Cusack's career take on the form of anyone of these 4 boy's!

All I remember of Con Air was Nick Cage and an airplane. Didn't even realize John Cusack or even John Malkovich was in this movie until I IMDB'd it.

Just how I like my movies... THROBBING

My parents own The Ice Harvest and its still in the DVD plastic covering, been that way for 2 years now. No, my parents don't collect John Cusack memorabilia.

John Cusacks name beside Billy Bob Thornton's makes Oscar Gold everytime!

Hot Tub Time Machine is pretty damn funny. Never got to watch the rest because the internet screwed up the download. Would never pay money for John Cusack and he was the worst part of the film.

I wish there was a real hot tub time machine that I could
drown John Cusack's career in.

Up to this point I still hadn't ever watched a full John Cusack movie. IMDB says that he was in 58 movies. How can that be? I have never heard of 90% of those movies and non of them look interesting at all, especially 2012. So NETFLIX comes into my life and I decide to watch Being John Malkovich and Say Anything in the same day, from start to finish.

Being John Malkovich was so weird, quirky and cool. Not because of John Cusack but because of Charlie Kaufman the writer, who has written some of the coolest movies of the decade. Props to Cusack for changing his hair style. The man has had the same hair since Sixteen Candles!

The most realistic film about John Cusack's career to date.
He would totally rather be John Malkovich!

I watched Say Anything just to say that I watched 2 John Cusack movies in the same day after watching none for years. The only thing I knew about this movie was that it was the first movie to have a guy hold a Ghetto Blaster over their head, under a girls window. Waited for that part to come, and it was so lame, the girl just ignored him!

I'm also too smart and good looking for John Cusack!

Somebody please find me a good John Cusack movie that is good because of him and I might change my mind about him.

:.

OTTERLY AMAZING

Otter's are quickly becoming my favorite animal. Mostly because because we share similar interests.

I like to hold hands...



I like to dance....



I like to juggle in front of foreigners...



I love to play basketball in front of Koreans...



:.

WHAT STRONG PAWS YOU HAVE!

I was laying down earlier today when my dog jumped up on my back and started to walk around. I was going to shoo her off but it actually felt good, almost like a massage but with tiny little paws. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could train your dog to give massages. Even better than that is if you could train a variety of dogs to give other people massages for profit. Different sized dogs would give different types of massages. What's that you say? Your shoulders are really tense. Might I suggest the Shih Tzu massage!

THIS LADY'S DOING IT ALL WRONG!

:.