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Saturday, October 30, 2010

JOHN CU-SUCKS

I have this hate hate relationship with John Cusack. I mean I don't like to hate people but for some reason I hate him, although not as much as Phil Collins. Until the other day, I have never seen a full John Cusack movie EVER! This is my history of John Cusack through the ages.

I started to watch Pushing Tin and was liking it until I realized that its about guys not flying airplanes, but telling pilots where and when to land.

PLANE! LAND ON THIS MAN'S CAREER!
Watched Sixteen Candles, quite possibly John Cusack's best and most tolerable work because he is a true to life loser in it. Still have never watched the full movie, the Long Duck Dong joke faded for me.

When will this kid hit puberty? (Answer: Weird Science)
Stand By Me was an excellent movie! One of my favorite films as a kid. Then I got older and liked it more because the chubby kid was Jerry O'Connell. Every kid wanted to run across a train bridge after watching this movie. John Cusack was in this? Forgettable!

Why couldn't John Cusack's career take on the form of anyone of these 4 boy's!
All I remember of Con Air was Nick Cage and an airplane. Didn't even realize John Cusack or even John Malkovich was in this movie until I IMDB'd it.

Just how I like my movies... THROBBING
My parents own The Ice Harvest and its still in the DVD plastic covering, been that way for 2 years now. No, my parents don't collect John Cusack memorabilia.

John Cusacks name beside Billy Bob Thornton's makes Oscar Gold everytime!
Hot Tub Time Machine is pretty damn funny. Never got to watch the rest because the internet screwed up the download. Would never pay money for John Cusack and he was the worst part of the film.

I wish there was a real hot tub time machine that I could
drown John Cusack's career in.
Up to this point I still hadn't ever watched a full John Cusack movie. IMDB says that he was in 58 movies. How can that be? I have never heard of 90% of those movies and non of them look interesting at all, especially 2012. So NETFLIX comes into my life and I decide to watch Being John Malkovich and Say Anything in the same day, from start to finish.

Being John Malkovich was so weird, quirky and cool. Not because of John Cusack but because of Charlie Kaufman the writer, who has written some of the coolest movies of the decade. Props to Cusack for changing his hair style. The man has had the same hair since Sixteen Candles!

The most realistic film about John Cusack's career to date.
He would totally rather be John Malkovich!
I watched Say Anything just to say that I watched 2 John Cusack movies in the same day after watching none for years. The only thing I knew about this movie was that it was the first movie to have a guy hold a Ghetto Blaster over their head, under a girls window. Waited for that part to come, and it was so lame, the girl just ignored him!

I'm also too smart and good looking for John Cusack!
Somebody please find me a good John Cusack movie that is good because of him and I might change my mind about him.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

OTTERLY AMAZING

Otter's are quickly becoming my favorite animal. Mostly because because we share similar interests.

I like to hold hands...



I like to dance....



I like to juggle in front of foreigners...



I love to play basketball in front of Koreans...



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Thursday, October 7, 2010

WHAT STRONG PAWS YOU HAVE!

I was laying down earlier today when my dog jumped up on my back and started to walk around. I was going to shoo her off but it actually felt good, almost like a massage but with tiny little paws. Wouldn't it be amazing if you could train your dog to give massages. Even better than that is if you could train a variety of dogs to give other people massages for profit. Different sized dogs would give different types of massages. What's that you say? Your shoulders are really tense. Might I suggest the Shih Tzu massage!



THIS LADY'S DOING IT ALL WRONG!

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

NICELAND!

Iceland is cold and rainy especially during September. It seemed to rain all day and nearly everyday while we were there. But I know I had a great time and this is why...

Kick Ass Graffiti

Sequined lava that goops down buildings


Tractors that aren't allowed on the highways from 7:30 to 9:30 and 15:30 to 18:30

Gay bar with a giant poster of the Queen of England

Restaurant that reminds me of past amazing trips

Disgruntled 'Don't Walk' signs

Happy 'Walk' signs

Jeeps with the biggest tires that Iceland legally allows

Walk ways marked by painted men with hats

Art along the coast that looks like some sort of whale bones/viking boat

Dried Fish Fillet snacks

Raw looking church

4 upping 7/11 (also another convenience store called 10/11)

Simulated Geysir

Geothermal Beach (closed an hour before we showed up)

HOUSE OF GUINNESS

Funky European beer bottle caps

Icelandic acoustic version of Girls Just Want to Have Fun while wearing a purple fur coat


Exploring lava caves!

Up close with Stalactites

Up close with much larger children of Stalactites, Stalagmites!

Action posing out of lava cave

Rainbows that greet the our return to earth's surface

Electricity that is created through geothermal energy

Amazing Blue Lagoon Spa water that's created by geothermal energy


Crawling out to the edge of a huge cliff above a waterfall

Holding onto 9 Icelandic horses at the same time

Buildings with sod roofs

Rift valleys where the Eurasia and North American tectonic plates are seperating

Golfoss, I giant waterfall that was saved by a lady who swore she would throw herself into it if they dammed it

Real Geysir that explodes every 3 minutes

Hot water springs

Pissing into an old volcano crater

Renting a little red car called Baby Bjorn!

Waterfall that you can walk behind

Staring in awe at the beautiful waterfall that you can walk behind

Rough seas along the coast

Adding a rock on the rock piles for safe travel

Tens of little water falls that go up into the sky because of the strong winds

Sheep on the highway


Sheep that were just honked off the highway by Baby Bjorn's baby horn

Glacier lagoon with blue water and ice

Europe's largest glacier

Remnants of the last bridge over the glacier spill way

Lamb chops and meat soup

Downtown Reykjavik

Retro futuristic public washrooms that make you feel like a time traveler

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