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Sunday, May 1, 2011

PLAUSIBILITY

I always wondered, how many ideas or inventions unravel because they seem too simple. I have had many ideas that I thought were great, only to second guess them because of their simplicity. I always assume that if I could think of it then surely someone else has beaten me to it. But now I'm not too sure about that. So I present to you 3 of my most recent greatest inventions (ignoring MullaToes) regardless of whether they were invented already.

SUBTERRANEAN NUCLEAR EXTINGUISHER
The recent disaster in Japan, especially the Fukushima Nuclear Plant, really got me thinking about the worlds over reliance of technology. Now I don't understand too much about Nuclear Power Plants. From what I gather, sometimes the core reactor can over-heat causing a possible nuclear melt down (a la Chernobyl). So how do they currently stop melt-downs from happening? Apparently, they just pump plain water in to the reactor. But, what happens if the pumps fail, and the back up generators fail, and the back up back up plan fails. Disaster!

I believe this system is way too over engineered. It's silly to rely on electricity to pump water, then back up generators to pump water, then whatever other back up plan to pump water. One of the greatest things about water is that it flows, it is a slave to gravity, nothing will ever change that. So I have devised a plan that uses water in a 100% fail proof way.


Take all of the worlds nuclear reactors and place them below sea level. Create a dam with a sloping trough from the sea shore to the actual reactor. When the react over heats, simply release the flood gates and allow an unlimited amount of water to flow into the reactor to cool it off. It works for creating hydro from Hydro-dams. It works for sewers for the past couple hundred years. It even worked for the Romans about 1000 years ago. Water and gravity can not fail.

SOLAR PARKING COLLECTOR
Parking lots are Big black waisted spaces. They absorb sun light and turn it into heat, creating unbearable temperatures in cities. Cars sit all day in these parking lots absorbing heat from the sun and the pavement creating the need for car drivers to run their a/c continuously in the summer. This in turn has a negative impact on the environment because it increases fuel consumption and CO2 emissions. Don't forget that parking lots are rarely full and waste valuable space within a city.


I believe that if we created full roofs or wing roofs with solar panels on them over the parking lots we could solve a lot of these problems. Solar panels are great for turning suns energy into electrical energy so why waist valuable farm land for solar farms when the potential for all of our parking lots is huge. In turn the cars will be shaded from direct sun, cooler to drive in, use less a/c, less gas, less CO2. Win win win win situation.

STORM WATER IRRIGATOR
Stormwater management is a big deal. Water running over farm fields, streets, roofs, or any other surface can pick up major contaminants and place them into our watercourses. We create huge ponds that allow contaminants to settle, which allow clean water to flow to waterways. We create ditches and water treatment plants that either flow water straight to ponds or clean it before hand. Development is looked at as a bad thing because it generally covers up the normal absorbing powers of soil and plants. But what if instead of sending our water down ditches, drains, sewers, ponds we make it easier for it to be absorbed naturally.


Before creating a new parking lot or building. One should place a network of pipes with holes in them. When the pipes are covered with soil and gravel and eventually pavement you connect the drainage of the parking lot to these tubes. In a rain event the tubes will act just like drip irrigation. The tubes will all fill up with water while releasing the proper amount of water directly into the soil for filtration and natural flow.

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

MULLATO SOCKS

I hate socks. I can't ever decide whether to wear white or black ones. They both have their own advantages and disadvantages.
Black socks are pretty much stain resistant however the sock fluff is unbearable.
White socks are low on noticeable fluff but magnets for dirt and stains.
I propose a new invention that will forever solve this conundrum. I propose to you MULATTO SOCKS (copyright, registered trademark, etc etc).
Mulatto Socks take the best parts of white and black socks and combines them into one universal mixed sock. Black on the outside with a white liner on the inside. No stains and no noticeable fluff.
YOU... ARE... WELCOME!

*UPDATE*
Mullato Socks are now simply called MullaToes!



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Monday, January 10, 2011

PIZZLE MA NIZZLE

My poor cute awesome cute cute puppy Ele just got fixed, or "SPAYED" (thanks Bob Barker). It's only been a couple days since her surgery and she hasn't really been her normal trick jumping self. She wouldn't eat, drink, or even "GOPEE" (that's one word).

It's tough watching your little helpless dog go through something like this. So I, like most other dog owners, tried to give her anything that would make her happy. I bought her the wet food, got her new toys, even tried playing the harmonica but nothing really brought her out of her slump. So, recently I came across an awesome treat while I was walking through the grocery store (Bulk Barn). It's called a Pizzle and it looks like this...

Looks like dogs would love it, right?
There were 8 inch and 5 1/2 inch Pizzles. Since my dog is so tiny, I decided to purchase the five and a half incher. I walked back to the car with Pizzle in hand and saw a sad little black lump in the passenger seat. So I whipped out the Pizzle which catches her attention immediately. She tried to grab for it but I've taught her to be gentle. So I gave her the "SHSHHH" and she gently took the Pizzle. She goes crazy for it! I've never seen Ele eat anything that fast. It was really exciting to see her so energized and acting like her real self. ELE LOVES THE PIZZLE!

So I was wondering, what the heck was this wonder treat made out of? Where did it come from? Why have I gone so long as a dog owner not knowing about Pizzles? Well, a quick Wikipedia search settled all of those questions for me.

PIZZLE
Pizzle is an old English word for penis, derived from Low German pesel or Flemish Dutch pezel, diminutive of pees 'sinew'. [1] The word is used today to signify the penis of a non-human animal,[2]

MY DOG WOLFED DOWN PENIS! I don't even know what to say. I'm kind of shocked that there is a whole market out there for drying penis', sorting them by size, boxing them, shipping them, stocking the shelves with them and selling them. It's all kind of ridiculous, but as I read further through Wikipedia I start to understand why Pizzles exist in the first place.

"Pizzles for human consumption are prepared either by freezing or by drying. Scottish deer pizzles are thought to boost stamina and were used by Chinese athletes at the 2008 Summer Olympics.[2][4] Pizzles can be served in soup, and if they have been dried they can be turned into a paste. Pizzles may also be mixed with alcoholic beverages or simply thawed (if frozen) and eaten."

OF COURSE! People have been feeding dicks to each other for centuries, that's a fact. But damned if I'm ever going to feed a Pizzle to a dog ever again, that's just disgusting. Oh man, I really think I should go back and edit what I wrote before Wikipedia tainted this post.

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

JOHN CU-SUCKS

I have this hate hate relationship with John Cusack. I mean I don't like to hate people but for some reason I hate him, although not as much as Phil Collins. Until the other day, I have never seen a full John Cusack movie EVER! This is my history of John Cusack through the ages.

I started to watch Pushing Tin and was liking it until I realized that its about guys not flying airplanes, but telling pilots where and when to land.

PLANE! LAND ON THIS MAN'S CAREER!
Watched Sixteen Candles, quite possibly John Cusack's best and most tolerable work because he is a true to life loser in it. Still have never watched the full movie, the Long Duck Dong joke faded for me.

When will this kid hit puberty? (Answer: Weird Science)
Stand By Me was an excellent movie! One of my favorite films as a kid. Then I got older and liked it more because the chubby kid was Jerry O'Connell. Every kid wanted to run across a train bridge after watching this movie. John Cusack was in this? Forgettable!

Why couldn't John Cusack's career take on the form of anyone of these 4 boy's!
All I remember of Con Air was Nick Cage and an airplane. Didn't even realize John Cusack or even John Malkovich was in this movie until I IMDB'd it.

Just how I like my movies... THROBBING
My parents own The Ice Harvest and its still in the DVD plastic covering, been that way for 2 years now. No, my parents don't collect John Cusack memorabilia.

John Cusacks name beside Billy Bob Thornton's makes Oscar Gold everytime!
Hot Tub Time Machine is pretty damn funny. Never got to watch the rest because the internet screwed up the download. Would never pay money for John Cusack and he was the worst part of the film.

I wish there was a real hot tub time machine that I could
drown John Cusack's career in.
Up to this point I still hadn't ever watched a full John Cusack movie. IMDB says that he was in 58 movies. How can that be? I have never heard of 90% of those movies and non of them look interesting at all, especially 2012. So NETFLIX comes into my life and I decide to watch Being John Malkovich and Say Anything in the same day, from start to finish.

Being John Malkovich was so weird, quirky and cool. Not because of John Cusack but because of Charlie Kaufman the writer, who has written some of the coolest movies of the decade. Props to Cusack for changing his hair style. The man has had the same hair since Sixteen Candles!

The most realistic film about John Cusack's career to date.
He would totally rather be John Malkovich!
I watched Say Anything just to say that I watched 2 John Cusack movies in the same day after watching none for years. The only thing I knew about this movie was that it was the first movie to have a guy hold a Ghetto Blaster over their head, under a girls window. Waited for that part to come, and it was so lame, the girl just ignored him!

I'm also too smart and good looking for John Cusack!
Somebody please find me a good John Cusack movie that is good because of him and I might change my mind about him.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

OTTERLY AMAZING

Otter's are quickly becoming my favorite animal. Mostly because because we share similar interests.

I like to hold hands...



I like to dance....



I like to juggle in front of foreigners...



I love to play basketball in front of Koreans...



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